did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
