This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
