so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
