Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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