why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
