Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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