i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
