Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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