brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My Higher Power is John Stamos
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
