I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize