and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
