I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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