Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
