i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
