By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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