Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
