I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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