Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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