I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
