I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
