You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
