my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
