Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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