i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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