Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize