Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
