First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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