You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
