I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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