don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
