You can't motorboat a personality
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
