margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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