She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize