So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
