The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
