Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
