Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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