i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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