Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
