i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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