the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
