You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
