she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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