dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
