She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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