Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
