I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm both gender and math confused
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
