he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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