there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
