I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so explain again why im purple
no
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
