I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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