Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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