I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
