My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
