I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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