Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
