I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
