Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
