I hate your face
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
