When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Pappa wants mamma naked
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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