ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
