Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
