my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
