maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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