So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
God, I missed his penis.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
