you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
