If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
