can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
