I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
