And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
zippers are such a cool invention
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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