The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
